By the time I turned 18, mom passed onto me the journal she has been keeping since I was born. It was probably to suggest that I am a case of "mission accomplished" for her, anyway, I did not like it. Mostly because the journal contains an honest account of my life since my first breath, with a good dose of constructive criticism that I never will take. The exact whereabouts of the little green notebook is not so certain, it may have been stashed securely in some random nook and cranny place that only rodents will find to devour, or else, tossed into fire while inebriated, whatever, I no longer remember.
My biggest fear is to go on and live the life of my father or grandfather, who are both loners with unqualified inferiority complex. And I see myself slipping further in that direction day by day. As a result I make up elaborate stories to create distance, however there are hard facts that I can not and shall not deny. Recall a previous post suggesting that I might have fragile X syndrome, well that was a lie. I may have a few phenotypes that seems to fit the (mis)diagnosis, however all evidences I could gather, including my mom's trusty journal of me, indicate that I acquired speech at a rather early stage with advanced clarity, hence ruling out any possibilities that I might have the disorder.
Unlike dull biologists, psychologists are a much more helpful and understanding bunch of folks, who carry on inventing all sorts of excuse to characterise and externalise your issues. Here I present: Oral Fixation.
According to the theory of psychoanalysis, pioneered by Sigmund Freud of Austria, oral fixation is the obsession resulting from either:
"1. A lack of proper gratification during one of the psycho-sexual stages of development, or
2. Receiving a strong impression from one of these stages, in which case the person's personality would reflect that stage throughout adult life."
A general feature of oral fixation is the obsession with oral stimulation, which can manifest in a wide range of behavior from nail biting, constant talking, chewing objects, overeating, tobacco/alcohol use, et cetera. Psychologically, such people are "generally passive, needy and sensitive to rejection".
Yup, that is me, I talk BS all the time, and you have all seen me popping Eclipse mints like Dr House on his Vicodin.
Going deeper down the rabbit hole, oral fixation may be further divided into two following categories.
Oral Receptive: Like the name suggests, kids with this kind of personality are easily influenced by outside ideas. They subconsciously pick up other people's accents, phrases, habits, or even an entire alternative persona.
Oral Aggressive: a.k.a. oral sadistic. This is the awful "sting" type, not unlike Eric Cartman's version of Tourette's. Externally unpleasant, they simply cannot help to be verbally abusive, whether they meant harm or not.
I am a bit of both, yet I belong more to the latter group. That is why I am never really close with anybody, or else I cannot help but to dig into their deepest fears, shames and regrets, then throw those into their face for my own amusement. I am very sorry to a certain person that I have, until recently, bombarded with school stories, as well as some rather patronising comments on certain physical attribute of theirs. I am fully aware that you are upset, despite the best effort to shrug it off. Isn't it creepy, all lengths taken to know somebody, only in order to piss them off to the maximum extent.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special thanks to the few bday well-wishers today, listed in the order received:
TSR: It was a good site, however I no longer have the courage to visit again, it makes me think of all the unpleasant things that happened in 2008.
Alanna: Yup, one of the two only human beings in the list. She deserves a dedicated post one day, stay tuned and I will write for sure.
Stormfront: Yup, I read WN forums for comedic relief, some people are just stupid. I might write about them as well.
RFF: Thanks, I am no longer part of the Leica-scene but it was good while it lasted.
Mr Lavin: Just got your txt, thank you a brazillion. And you were right about things all along.
TSR: It was a good site, however I no longer have the courage to visit again, it makes me think of all the unpleasant things that happened in 2008.
Alanna: Yup, one of the two only human beings in the list. She deserves a dedicated post one day, stay tuned and I will write for sure.
Stormfront: Yup, I read WN forums for comedic relief, some people are just stupid. I might write about them as well.
RFF: Thanks, I am no longer part of the Leica-scene but it was good while it lasted.
Mr Lavin: Just got your txt, thank you a brazillion. And you were right about things all along.
